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Tesco installed a medical machine that for £5 and a urine sample, would diagnose any condition. When my mate went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed,my mate wondered if he could fool the machine. He mixed tapwater with dog poo, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and then pleasured himself into the mixture. When he tipped it into the machine the next day, the printout read: 1. Ur tapwater is too hard. Use softener. 2.Ur dog has ringworm. Giv it antibiotics. 3.Ur daughter is on cocaine. Get her to rehab. 4.Ur wife is Xpecting twins. Not urs. Get a lawyer. 5.If u keep playing with yourself, ur fuckin elbow wont get better! Thank u for shopping at Tesco! :rolleyes:

Edited by heirflick
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Many years ago, my left elbow became very difficult to move without a very sharp pain, I could only move it very slowly. If it had been my right arm, I would have been in much greater difficulty even sooner. It got to the point where I spent most of the day holding it one position as much as possible. I decided that I had to go to the quack.

"What seems to be the trouble?"

"It hurts when I do this (slowly stretching my arm out)."

"Well, don't do it then!"


To be fair to him, it did eventually sort itself out, but I wasn't very impressed by the "Tommy Cooper" approach at the time...

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