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Funny onboard train announcement

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On the Big Island, I sometimes pick people up at the station in Stafford, on the WCML. I once heard a perfectly serious announcement - The train approaching Platform One is the delayed 15:35 train to London Euston. This train may go no further than Watford Junction - I was the only person who laughed at it, everybody else thought it was 'normal'.

 

I went to pick someone up on a train from Euston to Liverpool at 7pm. She is not the 'most reliable of people', but had been put on the train in London by her daughter, so we stood a good chance. The train came in about on time and was announced as the seven o'clock train to Liverpool - fair enough - but, my charge was not on the train. It was a short London Midland and easy enough to search. My charge also had no mobile phone. I was left with no choice but to inform her daughter that she was just not there. There was only one stop on the way, at Rugby, which does look a bit similar... 

Anyway, it turned out that she was actually on the train, miles away, stationary in the countryside somewhere near Tamworth. The train I had searched was actually an hour late and should have been there at 6pm, but it looked enough like the 7pm to be announced as that, avoiding the word 'delayed' - it mattered to nobody but me.

 

I once heard "That's the Cork train coming in now" at Port Laoise, to the point and concise.

 

At Oxford, I heard an announcement that said "Please pay no attention to the information screens, all the details on there are wrong and we can't even turn them off" - the staff member on my platform seemed unconcerned about this aspect, now that it was 'solved', until I asked him what they were going to do about deaf people - or all those foreign tourists over there, studying the details on the screen...

 

I heard an announcement at Birmingham International, serving the airport. I had no idea what it was and having flown in from Prague, I wondered if it might even be Czech, knowing that there would be a few Czechs on the platform. I asked the Czech girl next to me and she said it wasn't Czech, but she didn't have any idea what it was. About a minute later, it was repeated, and I managed to pick out enough to realise that it was in English.

 

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