News bulletin:
Upon Brexiting, NIR have announced changes to their future operation. At the exact point of the border, and all areas north of this, all railway tracks including those of the DCDR and Giant's Causeway Railway will be relaid to 1435mm gauge.
All rolling stock will be repainted in either BR blue or GNER whatever livery, and all trains will carry the double-arrow logo and stale BR sandwiches from henceforth. New signage will be applied to all stations with double-sausage totems. NIR will become the Northern Region of British Rail and will start operating merry-go-round coal trains from Poyntzpass to Cullybackey. Meanwhile, the DCDR will receive a major boost in becoming the permanent home for 60103 "Tornado" and the "Flying Scostman".
Whitehead has begun drawing up plans to re-gauge locomotives No. 4, 85, 131, 171 and 461 to 4ft 8 1/2 inch gauge. No 4 will be turned out in GWR green, 85 and 461 in BR green and black respectively, 131 in LMS maroon and 171 will be turned out in LBSCR loco yellow.
At the Giant's Causeway, elderly Tube stock will replace the current recent stock which was converted from biscuit tins and runs on organic soup.
The whitehead carriage set will be all repainted in BR blue and grey, complete with stale sandwiches.
The Portrush branch will be operated by single-unit railcars with those chimneys up the ends.
On the "Enterprise", as it is cross border and now international, every coach will have one bogie of 1435mm gauge and one of 1600. This is believed to be a unique arrangement.
Remember where yiz heard it first.