"Well dear, it is like this. I somehow got involved in a cult, and it goes under the moniker of IRM. It sounds innocuous enough, having as it's cover, a forum dedicated to discussions on model trains. Sadly I found out too late that this is a front for a more nefarious organisation. The upshot being, if I don't subscribe to a certain number of models per year, to raise funds to support the cause, I might suddenly disappear. You and the kids would never see me again. I am actually doing this to keep the family together."